I was just married for about 3 months when I found out that I was pregnant. I was overjoyed and I was so thankful to God for such a precious little gift. I broke the news to my husband that night and he was so excited that he called the whole world to tell them of the good news.
Other than the morning sickness, feeling tired all the time (partly because I have to give up my coffee) and the roller coaster mood swing, the first three months was a bliss.
Then I started to realise that I can't fit into some of my clothes and the doctor told me that I have to give up my 6 inch shoes. That is just the first crack of my perfect little life that I have been living. The cracks branched out pretty quick, my body was changing dramatically too. I started from a petite body figure of size 6 and my body gradually swelled into a size 10. My nightmare did not just end there, my feet were growing too and they swelled so much I hardly can see my toes anymore. I have to pack and kiss all my beautiful clothes and shoes goodbye. I hated my body and I stopped looking in the mirror. I was depressed at myself. The only thing that can cheered me up was knowing that all this is for a good course. There is something beautiful growing inside me. I told myself that I have to give up being a selfish little girl and learn to grow up. I am going to be a mother soon. It is no longer just "ME" in my life, I have to learn to use the word "WE". My little baby is coming into this world pretty soon.
The labour process was difficult, I was exhausted battling the 36 hours contraction phase but my cervical just refused to dilate further from the 7cm. The mid wife tried all the tricks up her sleeves but my cervical just wouldn't give in. Then, the doctor decided to move me from the labour room to the operating theatre to perform the emergency caesarean. To be honest, I was terrified at that time as it was my first visit to the operating theatre. It might be a simple surgical operation for the gynaecologist, but I was so scared that I will not be able to see my baby. My precious little baby was born on the 12th of April 2013 at 8pm. Even though I was shivering hysterically from the side effect of the epidural, I was eager to see my little one. He looked really angry, he was crying very loudly and his face was all red, nothing like those peaceful little baby wrapped in the eiderdown that showed on the television.
My nightmare did not just end there, I did not expect what was coming next. I heard a lot of stories from other mummies talking about the pregnancy period was the easy part and the real nightmares starts when the baby drew their first breath. There are so many things that I have to learn. I am no longer a little girl anymore, I have to learn to take care of others now. I have to learn to be strong to protect my precious little one. I really struggled. I was not used to waking up at nights and breast feeding was a nightmare. I unable to provide him fully as my production was low. But, I did not give up, I gave what I could. I supplemented with formula. Sometimes, I feel really bad as failed to breastfeed him fully. I am so glad that God has blessed me with two wonderful helpers, my mum and my husband. They have been there to support me through this journey. It is not an easy road to travel. But, it is worth it.
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